The Slubgob Correspondences: Letter V

My Dear Screwtape,

     I’m relieved to hear you’ve reversed course and are finally making progress on the homosexual issue. Your pupils’ influence over that church leader who so magnificently represents our interests as if they were the Enemy’s, plays excellently to your initiative to weaken His foundations among the people. The true believers will be encouraged to heat up their rhetoric and the fence-sitters will be all the more reluctant to view the Enemy in a favorable light. But remember the epistler. See that your pupils remain tenacious and be sure to broaden your attack. For every pupil who takes on a religious community, be sure to put two on the prostitutes or drug addicts. He has a soft spot for them and they always seem willing to change.

     Now, as to your question on the subject of religious fundamentalism: There are ways to twist it to our advantage as with any other isms the humans are so fond of inventing. All concepts and intellectual frameworks employed to suit the Enemy’s will on Earth have limitations since they are all human by nature. The Enemy did not invent religion. Religion came about because human beings are social animals whose survival depends on their numbers. Religion is about bringing people together. A religion’s intent to serve Him is always secondary to it serving its people. That’s why it takes so much energy to attack religious institutions.

     Our advantage with fundamentalist sects is in their intention to serve the Enemy first and serve others through serving Him. Do you see the angle? They believe in a personal relationship with their creator and that He will always guide them onto the right path. They fail to realize that as corporeal beings they are fundamentally – no pun intended – incapable of discriminating His will from our own. You see, in our conflict both sides occupy the same corner of the human conscience. They cannot look to Him without also opening themselves to us. 

     But do not think turning them will be easy. They have discipline, old friend. They have discipline that even some spirits envy. Corrupting under these conditions can be most trying indeed. It’s not enough to appeal to their carnal appetites because they’re simply not interested in such things…at least not to the point of excess which is all we care about. They get some kind of haughty thrill from denying themselves the Earthly pleasures so common among most. This habitual self-denial hardens the soul resulting in the increasing weakness of subsequent attacks.

If we are to snatch them up, we must focus on what they do to one another. In learning their prejudices, we become able to blur the distinction between sin and virtue. Humans were never meant to know right from wrong and therefore have faulty moral indicators. Once we have them embracing sin as if it were virtue, we can rationalize any wicked action by reminding them that being good doesn’t matter as long they have faith. We just need to conceal the fact that it is us in whom they’ve placed this faith.

Your Merciful Master,

Slubgob

The Slubgob Correspondences: Letter IV

My Dear Screwtape,

     You amaze me! Just when I think you’ve got yourself facing the right direction, you do something so absurd as to encourage the public’s growing acceptance of homosexual marriage. The students for which you are responsible are out there whispering to their subjects that marriage equality is the way to go.  

A bit of advice before you once again embrace a trend for which your actions played no part: Consider the source! You must ask, “Who benefits?” And don’t be so quick to say Our Father Below just because of some cliché about the abomination of such a lifestyle. Most abominations work toward our advantage but when an abomination ceases to be abominable, we find ourselves on slick footing where the slightest misstep may result in inadvertent treason. You should know – inadvertent or not – punishment for such treason is severe.

Infidelity, promiscuity, pederasty, rape, and incest are all admirable expressions of human sexuality. What we want to avoid first and foremost is anything resembling love. It’s dangerous to us because we know so little about it. And this is so because it is the exclusive domain of the Enemy. When operating within the area of love it is easy to get lost in the very moral haze we’re seeking inflict on the humans. They must be subject to the haze while our direction remains clear. If we lose our way, how can we ensure the safe arrival of our victims?

     What we do know is that there is a certain aspect of humanity which actually desires – regardless of how perverse it sounds – to preserve the comfort and dignity of others. Even the worst human being of all time possessed a modicum of what is called compassion. Don’t ask me to define it because I couldn’t, but it has something to do with an aversion to loneliness coupled with a need to make others happy – another concept completely alien to us.

     The best we can do in such foreign territory is direct our subject toward lustful pursuits where the subject’s focus remains on the self. Back when homosexuality was still a taboo among your students’ subjects, this was very easy to accomplish. All of that wonderful sexual repression resulted in some spectacular triumphs over the Enemy. We managed to introduce a level of shock into mainstream society by encouraging aggressive confrontations between the hetero and homosexual populations. Since homosexuality was unfamiliar to the mainstream, introducing it so frankly caused feelings of disgust and promoted a prejudice that all homosexuals are selfish, lustful, degenerates. Children were disowned, friendships severed, and families disintegrated. Some homosexuals would even take a spouse and have children just to hide that very fact. It was a glorious sight when such urges got the better of them. Ah! So many innocent victims, it makes the mouth water.

Alas, those days are over and we have little choice but to continue promoting prejudice among the withering population still disgusted by homosexuality. When homosexual marriage didn’t exist, turning homosexuals toward Our Master was much easier. It used to be that the extreme social isolation to which they were subject gave them no choice but to have a heightened sense of self. When humans are alone, what else is there to occupy their attention? That condition was most useful to us.

But with marriage now becoming a part of the homosexual community, we’re severely handicapped by the possibility that they will now be able to live happily being legally and singly obligated to another person. The legal acceptance of such an institution is a symbol that mainstream society no longer finds itself disgusted by homosexuality and therefore is more accepting. I hardly feel it necessary to point out that greater acceptance equals less isolation. Rather than encouraging this acceptance, we would be better served by your students promoting hatred among the few remaining allies we have left.

Your Merciful Master,

Slubgob

P.S. I require no lessons in the biological processes of human procreation. When has the bearing of offspring ever proved a certain defense against our snares? In many ways procreation works to our benefit, children provide such excellent leverage.          

The Slubgob Correspondences: Letter III

My Dear Screwtape,

     You seem to have turned a corner and are finally asking the right questions. This pleases me. It is indeed quite perplexing when one considers how to corrupt those institutions which have succeeded so distastefully in turning mortals toward the Enemy. For now, the conventional wisdom states that our focus ought to remain on keeping people indifferent to such entities.

     Taking on an institution – such as the Catholic Church – is quite a task. The problem is that the Enemy seems to be everywhere. If we were to expend resources trying to corrupt the Church, there’s no guarantee the Enemy wouldn’t reach His pets by some other means. The Enemy can be in many places at once but we have opportunity costs to consider. If we leave institutions alone, eventually the human frailties of its leaders will become apparent and we can use that to turn their subjects away from the proverbial light.

     Consider the prevailing concepts we reinforce on the publics through our current propaganda channels. The entire message of Christianity is that the Enemy is all-forgiving and all-loving. The humans can always turn to the Enemy, and so long as they do so humbly and honestly they’ll always be accepted. What lunacy! The Enemy gives humans rules, humans break them routinely, yet He still accepts them if they surrender. It is indeed a “heads I win, tails you lose” proposition and a major bone of contention between Our Master and Him.

     Sorry, I’ve lost my train of thought…Oh, yes, we need to blind the humans to the fact that the Enemy will always accept them regardless of what they’ve done. Keep showing them images of times when forgiveness was completely absent from the actions of their religious leaders. Stories of the Spanish Inquisition and the Borgia family usually do the trick for Catholics; for Protestants, we typically refer them to the Salem Witch Trials.

By exposing their minds to atrocities committed by religious leaders of the past, we poison them with a stubborn intolerance for sinfulness in the religious leaders of the present. We want to inspire in them a mob mentality like the one so effectively dispatched during their Witch Trials. There is much hay to be made from vengeful righteousness.                                                                    Your Merciful Master,

                                            Slubgob

The Slubgob Correspondences: Letter II

My Dear Screwtape,

     Your response to my last letter speaks volumes to your lack of humility.  While we wish to inspire pride in the minds of humans, you really ought to know better. Just because we are devils, do not assume that we clamor at every manifestation of pride. In humans, yes, when properly directed. But down here we command the absolute obedience of all subordinates.

     I will assume for the time being that the preceding has instilled in you a sense of humility and you no longer consider yourself beyond my counsel. In light of this assumed humility I will indulge your idiotic fancy that corruption belongs in the heart of the individual and there alone.  While I admit that such an approach – in the past - has yielded many quite delectable victuals favorable to even the most discriminating palettes, you must realize that Hell is an organization. It is a hierarchy who seeks to continue trapping lost souls for the purpose of satisfying our appetites; so quality must - at times - suffer for the sake of quantity.

Remember that one fellow we waited for, the one with a natural sweetness that made our jawbones quiver? That sweetness came not just from his commitment to our cause, but from the return on our investment in his willingness to propagate our message through his calamitous actions.  The quivering was anticipation of those souls still to come and be feasted upon – those souls who followed him as well as those upon whom he inflicted such irreversible despair. The state of a single soul takes flavor only so far; it is only when soaked in a marinade of cynicism, regret, and despondency that its bouquet really comes alive.

In your toast when you named the individual soul as the true battle field, I nearly choked.  True one must turn individuals to us; but if we don’t immediately succeed in making that individual into a proselytizer for our purposes, we are leaving much on that terrestrial table to be scooped up by the Enemy. When someone is firmly in our grasp, they must cease questioning the correctness of their path. By influencing their communication to others, we are able to turn their pride inward and reinforce it continuously – but remember that such an approach must be tireless. The Enemy loves converts.

Remember that fellow on the road to Damascus? There’s an example of someone who could’ve proven most useful to us; but a single moment of neglect on the part of his tempter lost him to the Enemy forever. His letters are still causing us grief.

                                  Your Merciful Master,

                                      Slubgob

The Slubgob Correspondences: Letter I

My Dear Screwtape,

     Now that you have supped on the bounty of your nephew’s incompetence, you ought not think it improper to find yourself summarily demoted.  Do not think you are being punished for incompetence; but for the clandestine nature with which you attempted to advise your dear Wormwood. It must have occurred to you that such wisdom could have served our cause better had it been shared among the masses. Yet you chose to entrench yourself and your wretched apprentice at the expense of greater and nobler accomplishments…not to mention the unflattering language with which you demeaned my position in several correspondences. That’s right! We read every last one of those letters and Our Father Below knows the seeds of insurrection when he sees them.  Did you honestly think you would succeed?  

You are hereby sentenced to teach a class of a thousand Wormwoods.  We have reserved for you a lecture hall in the basement. Now don’t even consider using their failure for your own amusement. Any failure on their part will be regarded as a double failure on yours. The administration has built a rigid curriculum instructing this class of junior tempters on the art of sowing social unrest. You are to follow it to the letter.

You see, temptation of an individual is easy. It is succeeding in the long game which proves difficult. However, it is the opinion of our administration that such obstacles may be avoided by conditioning the mortals en masse to a point of universal moral indifference.  Once this indifference has settled firmly in the minds of those bipedal monstrosities, it is expected our foot soldiers will have greater success in navigating their subjects through the fog-ridden valleys to Our Father Below.

Your job is to teach this generation how to impact the human community in such a way as one blow is equal to ten.  You displayed great aptitude for this in your letters on sowing domestic strife. Now, we would like you to expand beyond the household to the street, beyond the street to the community, beyond the community to the nation, and beyond the nation to the world.

Now I know what you are thinking: that conflict does not necessarily bring about corruption and quite often brings about the opposite. While there is some logic to that, it must also be accepted that conflict more often than not clearly plays to our advantage – so long as it is meaningless. That was the principle error in our handling of the last World War. Since the very survival of civilization depended on its outcome, civilization – with the help of the Enemy – overcame. 

Our new strategy may seem somewhat inverted but we have every reason to believe it will work.  The new path is to personalize social unrest and encourage our human subjects to accept their discontent as an aspect of their identity rather than an external problem to be solved through time and dedication.  What we want here is inaction; or – if action must occur, that it be violent and devoid of meaning. This leads to others either taking the event personally or viewing it in such a trivial manner as to lament the “tragic loss of life” or “the poor souls” or (and this is my favorite) “I feel so sorry for the families.” 

We want humans to think this way while also viewing any commonsense preventative measures as ineffectual and therefore hopeless. We want superficial concern without the dedication and patience required to make any real difference. Such sentiments must never cross over into the realm of meaningful action. You may take comfort in knowing that any sincerity will be quite short-lived once you've reminded the beasts that they can always change the channel.

                                 Your Merciful Master,                                                    Slubgob

The Slubgob Correspondences: A Sequel to C.S. Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters By J.H. Bernard

Prologue

     This is not my idea. Much like my predecessor, I happened upon the following letters by chance and was quickly sworn never to disclose their origin. Suffice it to say I was shocked by some of what I read and the antidote to such shock was remembering the disclaimer cautioned by Mr. Lewis: “That the devil is a liar and nothing he says should be considered true even from his own angle.” The reader would be wise to remember these words.

Yet regardless of such ambiguity, I still feel it is in our interest to study how the forces of darkness conspire against us.  My views on theology, the soul, demons, and angels differ – often substantially – with my predecessor. He believed in angels. I do not. He believed in demons. I do not. He believed in an eternal soul while I believe that a soul is something one earns over time. What we do agree on is that there is this thing called God and that one’s happiness is dependent upon one’s closeness to this God. We also agree that there are certain tendencies within us which may ultimately result in our alienation from God. This tendency may be called concupiscence and the act whereby we indulge it may be called sin.

     When I say I do not believe in angels or demons, what I mean is I’ve never encountered such beings and see no need to think of them as real in the sense that you and I are real. I haven’t encountered God either, but I believe God is real because I view God as a necessity. If existence is real, God must be. I do not intend to defend this position here, merely to note my inclination toward it. Angels and demons are real only in that they serve to personify certain aspects of human nature to help us delineate right from wrong.

     I’m reluctant, however, to classify them as “myth”; partly because the term has been so distorted by modern culture and has instead become synonymous with “false”. I don’t think the creators of our myths ever intended them to be taken literally. When some well-meaning Hellene first uttered the tale of Dedalus and Icarus, I don’t accept that he or she believed – or intended others to believe - that two men made wings from wax and feathers to fly out of prison. But just because that event never occurred doesn’t mean the tale is devoid of truth. Its truth is about the damage caused by pride; just as the tale of Lucifer’s rebellion, the literal occurrence of which is of equal insignificance.

     With modernity we’ve fled from mythic truth to embrace science. In postmodernity we have come to regard science as suspect and have created myths in the form of new age mystical nonsense. When referring to “myth” in any non-pejorative sense, one risks becoming either a charlatan in the eyes of science or a guru in the eyes of mystics. Neither of which is desirable for someone who simply wishes to examine truth through story-telling.

     I make no claims as to the authenticity of what follows. Readers are invited to draw their own conclusions as I have.

The Return

Well, I took a couple months off but I am back again.  Though my following is small, I seem to have one at least so I thank the readers. At least there's some people interested in the ramblings of an amateur and heretofore unsuccessful author.  But hopefully that will come to an end soon. After receiving no positive responses from prospective literary agents regarding my novel, I decided to take matters into my own hands and the past two months were consumed by that effort.

One may be inclined to ask: What does this schmuck mean by taking matters into his own hands?

By that, I mean I was granted an opportunity experienced by few others in this field.

Toward the end of September, I woke in the middle of the night to the sound of footsteps in my downstairs. By the time I realized the source of my stirring the steps were already coming up my staircase which terminated right outside my bedroom door.  I stretched out my right hand to see if my wife was still in bed with me and she was so there was some anxiety stood up and grabbed two spherical paper weight made of solid marble. I stood their like a pitcher on the mound - if pitchers on the mound held two balls instead of just one - prepared to hurl these objects at the first sign of an intruder.

Then, the door opened.

But the figure in my doorway posed no danger and I felt this once I encountered his presence. I didn't throw the balls at him but I didn't let go of them either.  He spoke English in a thick Italian accent.  It was Virgil.Virgil, the epic poet. Virgil, composer of the Aneid.  Virgil, the man who led Dante through the afterlife in his Divine Comedy. And this time, he wanted me. Of course, I went with him.  If this man can get me to Hell, I thought.  It'd be a perfect place to succumb to the Devil's bargain and exchange my eternal soul for talent and fame...after all, it worked for Robert Johnson, and he didn't even go to Hell to see the great bargainer himself.  Mr. Johnson just sat there at the crossroads until the Devil came up and tuned his guitar.

He died just a few years later. Poisoned by his old lady.

My trip down to the inferno wasn't nearly as dramatic as the great Dante's.  It did have its moments, like seeing three tombs reserved for Ted Cruz, John Boehner, and Mitch McConnell.  But I digress.

I never got down far enough to meet the Chief.  I understand he was preparing a banquet for the Tea Party Express...overseeing it personally, or would it be "anti-angelically"?  I don't know.  But when Virgil brought me back, I wondered what the point of the journey was. The next morning, I understood.

The journey was a means for inspiration.  An inspiration I shall be recording here with my next posts.  Stay tuned.